Grief

Last week Wednesday I went to a grief group meeting for the first time. This particular group meets once a month for about 1 1/2 hours. 
I am going through bereavement and grief. A very dear good friend of mine, closest to a soulmate I've ever had (male) passed away due to an accident last November. I am having a very difficult time with this. It is affecting most aspects of my life (like the blog if you have checked in here and not seen any entries for a long while). Life got harder. Like how am I going to go on living with this new reality? We had so much in common and shared so many memories and I thought we were going to be in each others lives until old age.
I manage to do what I have to do. I take Kaya out, feed her, go to work and do the minimum at home and the minimum with all the other stuff that I have to do. I have zero motivation for much else. Even getting out of bed when I wake up is difficult. Deep sadness, a lot of tears. Many thoughts about life, living this life and death......not sure what else to say. Except that I wish with all my heart that this did not happen. I miss my Chhaya, my Senna and my friend.